Why I Wear the Hijab

People often ask me why I wear the hijab.

"Are you getting married?"
"Did your husband force you to wear it?"
"Doesn't it feel uncomfortable?"

And the thing that surprises most people, is that I actually wanted to wear it. Yes, you heard correctly; Muslim women do in fact have the right to make their own decisions.

I was always a little lost in my identity. Born in Australia with parents from two different cultures, and we were the only Muslim family in a small rural town. You can probably guess how confusing that would be.

When I was about five, I was playing on the swings. An older girl came up and told me to get off. I told her I was there first, so she told me I had to get off because my mum was 'black'. That's probably the first memory I have of ever feeling different. And from then on, I became a little wary about disclosing my cultural background to people.

When my relatives came to visit and they picked me up from the bus stop, one of the older kids said 'who are those towel heads?' and I just stayed quiet. I had no idea how to respond; and as much as I hate to admit it now, I was a little embarrassed.

Coming into highschool, I was one of the nerdiest kids in my grade. I read novels in my spare time, I did all my homework, I dressed conservatively and I had never had a boyfriend before. I was different to the other kids, yet again; but this time it was because of my intellect.

I didn't get teased much for being a nerd, but I was always at the bottom of the social ladder. I didn't get invited to parties, I never did anything cool with my hair, and when I finally started noticing the boys in my grade, they never seemed to notice me back. I looked at the girls around me, and realised I had to change.

I went to the hairdressers, and got the same cut as all the other girls; shorter, layered hair, with a side fringe and blonde streaks. I started wearing makeup to school, and I started wearing the same sort of clothes as the other girls. I was finally starting to fit in.

Boys started noticing me soon after, and the attention felt good. I felt like I was being respected, like the other girls, rather than looked down upon for being a nerd. I didn't really know what respect meant.

One of the boys took a particular interest in me. He would follow me around, call me 'hot' and 'sexy', and hang out with me in our lunch breaks. But he also felt entitled to my body, for some reason, groping me and slapping my backside whenever he felt so inclined. And he was not the only one.

People started making up rumours about how I had slept with older boys; even though that was a contradiction to my character. The boys were talking more about my body than my brains, and after a while the 'compliments' got uncomfortable. I found that the kind of boys I was attracting, didn't seem to care much for anything deeper than my looks.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not unbelievably attractive or anything. But I was moulding myself into someone 'likeable'; someone who would laugh when it was expected, who would show the right amount of skin, and who wouldn't be too opinionated or dorky.

It was only when I left highschool that I realised, I didn't like pretending anymore.

I realised that the kind of people I want in my life, are the ones who support me no matter what I wear. I realised what a mistake it would be to ignore my potential, just because it wasn't 'cool' to be a high achiever. And the more I thought about it, I realised what a boring world we would live in if nobody embraced their individuality.

So I decided to speak out about the issues close to my heart. I decided to strive to reach my full potential, even if I am mocked for trying. And I decided to wear the hijab, because I am worth so much more than my looks. I don't have to show my hair or my skin to be beautiful, because beauty is radiated outside from within; and I strive every day to have a beautiful, caring soul.